In my last post I said that the relationship between me, your therapist, and you is the therapy. I also mentioned friendship. That may seem strange when what we have is a professional relationship. Let me explain.
In the final analysis, the problems we have arise from our insecurity with how we relate to other people. We worry about whether or not they like us, if they will love us, if they will abandon us, what might happen if they really got to know us. To protect ourselves from abandonment we become loners. We wear masks so that people will not know the real deep and vulnerable part of ourselves. We work hard to gain position, credibility, to own nice things and to dress in a particular style so that people will be attracted to us. But once we have attained the position, the possessions or the style we discover that nothing has changed. They don’t give us what we are really after, which is feeling safe, secure and loved in our relationships with others.
Your relationship with me, your therapist, is as close to ideal as I can make it. It takes a lot of skill and experience to create such an ideal relationship for you. It also has to be real and not just a “therapeutic relationship.” If it is not real, you will know it and you won’t have the safety and security that you want and need in order to heal and grow.